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  ANTI-Z-VIRUS DRUG

  14 For the most complete account of the unfortunate backpackers see Through the Land of the Dead by Abe Davies, Yukon Ink, 1974.

  Zombie Masters

  Many within the scientific community will scoff at my inclusion of a section on zombie masters, but considering the rising tide of evidence, I believe it would be neglectful not to at least discuss the possibility of their existence. Traditionally, the term “zombie master” was irregularly applied to necromancers who had assembled a large force of zombie minions, but in the last decade it has become more commonly associated with a possible viral zombie phenomenon. Today’s zombie master generally refers to a zombie Typhoid Mary, a living human who carries the zombie virus.

  To date, no official study can confirm the existence of a human carrier. In fact, according to the official record, no one has ever survived infection from a zombie virus without the quick application of an anti-virus. But a lack of scientific documentation does not mean human carriers don’t exist. In the last ten years, there have been more than a dozen zombie survivor accounts that at least hint at the possibility. The first comes from the diary of Joanna Blitch, who survived for 12 days inside an office building during the 2002 “Mooresville Outbreak”:

  …overnight Casey turned into one of them, but was killed before she could hurt anyone else. Casey had never been touched by one of them, never bitten or clawed. But just the day before she’d applied bandages to Kevin’s arm after he’d cut himself on the glass. People began to talk, to say that Kevin must be infected, even though he showed no signs. During the debate, Kevin ran for the door and flung himself out into the night. We waited to hear his screams, but there was only silence.15

  Certainly this account is far from conclusive, but it is just one of several that tell a similar story. One of the most famous comes from Matthew Wright, who survived an outbreak in the English Midlands:

  I saw him standing there, surrounded by zombies, a terrifying smile on his face. It was clear he wasn’t one of them. He still had intelligence in his eyes. But they didn’t attack him. At first, they seemed to crowd around him to protect him. Then he raised his hand and pointed at us, and the zombies began to charge.

  Mr Wright’s account16 is notable for two reasons; first because it was the first account to be corroborated by independent witnesses, but more importantly, it introduced a new possibility to the world of zombie studies. In none of the varied accounts of possible zombie Typhoid Marys is the suspected carrier killed by zombies. In fact, in several cases, including Mr Wright’s, the zombies seem to protect and even obey the carrier.

  The implications of a human mind controlling a viral zombie horde is worrisome in the extreme, and that has perhaps led some within the community to stick their heads in the sand and deny the possibility without a thorough investigation. Despite the admitted lack of concrete evidence, the only counter-argument seems to hinge on the impossibility of communication between a living human and a viral zombie. Of course, this argument overlooks the ongoing debate about the viral hive mind.

  As discussed in the previous chapter, some varieties of viral zombie do not moan, and yet they still seem to move in the same direction and “respond” to other zombies that have identified potential prey. Whether this is the result of some kind of psychic connection or has a more tangible scientific explanation, there seems no good reason that a human carrier of the virus might not also be incorporated into this hive mind. If this were the case, the complex, individualistic human mind might easily come to dominate the narrow thinking of a zombie horde.

  Previous pages: The Toronto Frenzy

  Despite the huge number of zombie outbreaks in the US, Canada has been relatively untouched by the zombie menace. However in 2007, a small viral outbreak occurred in Toronto resulting in 132 deaths. During this incident, several witness identified a red-coated woman directing the zombies. Later identified as Katherine Flint, this mysterious individual appeared during two further zombie outbreaks in the United States, evading capture both times. She has quickly risen to near the top of the FBI’s Most Wanted list, and remains the strongest evidence for a living zombie master.

  Of course, this is all conjecture at this point, and I don’t want to overstate the case. I do want to make it clear that the possibility of such zombie masters should be considered, and all zombie hunters should be on the lookout. Should a true zombie master ever be encountered in the field, all efforts should be directed at its immediate elimination. As much as science would relish the chance to study a live specimen, the danger of human intelligence guiding a zombie outbreak is too great a risk.

  15 From the unpublished diary of Joanna Blitch, which resides in the author’s collection.

  16 Never Again: An Outbreak Survivor’s Tale, Dark Asylum Press, 2004.

  Viral Hounds and Other Zombified Animals

  In 1982, Sgt E. Moore of the British 77th Division reported the existence of a pack of viral zombie hounds terrorizing villagers in the backwoods of Bulgaria. This report revived an old debate within the animate necrology community about the commonality and classification of zombified animals, a debate which continues to the present. While some scientists believe that a new branch of study should be opened to focus solely on undead animals, others, this author included, believe that animals should be viewed as members of one of the already existent zombie classifications. In nearly every case, zombie animals display the same strengths and weakness of a human corpse of the same zombie type. To lump all zombie animals into one category could cause confusion and do a major disservice to the men and women who risk their lives combating the zombie threat.

  Two dogs infected with the Z-virus.

  The story of zombie animals begins with the ancient necromancers. Theoretically, a sufficiently powerful necromancer can reanimate the body of any creature as a zombie. However, there seems little point in the exercise. Reanimated animals retain few of the advantages they possessed in life. Even the larger mammals become slow, weak creatures, neither significantly stronger nor tougher than a human zombie. True, necromantic fish can swim and some undead birds can fly, but it takes an extremely imaginative necromancer to make use of such ineffectual servants. For the most part, necromancers reanimate animals more for vanity than anything else. Perhaps a skeletal mastodon is a status symbol in the necromantic community. Some necromancers do use an undead animal as a sort of grim familiar, though to what end is unknown.

  Interestingly, wielders of voodoo black magic are not able to create any zombie animals. Voodoo zombification requires the incarceration of the zombi astral, the soul of the deceased. Since animals do not possess souls, or at least not in the same way as humans, there is nothing for a bokor to imprison. Many bokors have other spells they use to enchant animals, but such magic is beyond this investigation.

  The possibility of animal revenants remains an intriguing one, but there are no clear-cut cases to date. There are several reports of dogs that have exhibited signs of revenant behavior or appearance, but so far every case has ended with the destruction of the animal in question, so no true studies have been possible.17

  It was only with the dawn of the atomic zombie that animals became true participants in the zombie curse, and then only on a limited scale. As science is still trying to determine exactly how various chemical interactions lead to the reanimation of corpses, it cannot at this time say why certain species are vulnerable and others are not. In fact, it may be that a specific chemical reaction only causes the reanimation of certain species, and that we only tend to notice when that species is human or another large mammal. Luckily, atomic zombie animals mimic their human cousins and become slow, sluggish creatures.18 Although dangerous, these undead animals have proven only a minimal threat to humanity, unlike their cousins, the viral hounds.

  Previous page: Viral hounds

  Unlike their human counterparts, zombie canines do possess a vague sense of hierarchy. Most zombie dog packs contain an alpha male, a d
og that the others follow. These alpha males direct and guide their pack through a series of growls and barks that function in much the same way as zombie moaning.

  While it has not been conclusively proven, zombie dogs show a predilection for attacking other dogs before attacking humans. Some mercenary containment unitsemploy their own (living) dogs to act as bait should they encounter a zombie dog pack.

  There is perhaps a sick irony that the only species besides humans to be affected by the zombie viruses is man’s best friend, but the truth is no joke.19 As incredibly dangerous as viral zombies can be, they are nothing compared to the four-legged variety. Blessed with the natural speed and powerful jaws of many dog breeds, viral hounds strike like undead missiles, covering ground at an incredible rate and snapping at exposed flesh with infected teeth.

  While neither viral zombies nor viral hounds employ true tactics, the two groups often unintentionally work together to trap living targets. The speed of the hounds means they always outpace human zombies, reaching the target first. These swift attackers invariably force the living to seek shelter in either a building or a vehicle. While this shelter does provide protection from the hounds, it leaves people vulnerable to the zombies following close behind who will likely batter their way inside.

  Viral hounds can be eliminated through the destruction of the brain, but their speed and low profile make delivering such a blow difficult. Professional zombie hunters, when faced with a viral hound situation, almost always use vehicles in the first instance. Armored cars with battering rams or even snowplows make good weapons against viral hounds. Driving through a pack at high speed will usually mangle most of the hounds to such a degree that their speed advantage will be neutralized and they can be finished off at a leisurely pace.

  Finally, a note on crows and other carrion fowl. It is not unusual to see birds pecking at the infected flesh of viral zombies (or any other type of zombie). While I can find no recorded case of birds becoming infected with the virus, eating zombie flesh has been known to cause aggressive, almost rabid behavior in birds – to the point that they will sometimes attack humans. These attacks are extremely dangerous as the birds strike from the sky and often go for a target’s eyes. However, wounds caused in such an attack are not infected. To date, no one has ever received a zombie virus through a bird attack. Still, this is just one more reason why strong eye protection is necessary when fighting in an infection zone.

  17 The most famous case is the 1889 “Moor Hound Incident.”

  18 For a full list of creatures reanimated through chemical means see Dr M. Ramalho’s paper The Unextinction Agenda.

  19 New research indicates that several primate species may also be vulnerable to the viruses.

  Zombie Hunters

  Over the last two decades, the term “zombie hunter” has become diluted by the increasing number of amateur groups who seem determined to die in as gruesome a manner as possible. Theoretically, it is a problem that should take care of itself, but for every hick with a shotgun who gets his throat bitten out, it seems two more want to take his place. I have neither the time nor the inclination to talk about these groups. My interest is in the trained professionals who devote their lives to combating the zombie menace.

  The first true zombie hunters probably date back to the days of prehistory, but aside from a few fables and legends, their stories have been lost to us. During the Crusades, several knightly orders formed for the express purpose of battling the undead, but if any true accounts of their activities survive, they are buried deep in the Vatican’s Corpus Mortuambulanticum. In fact, despite the long history of zombies, the story of zombie hunting can only really be traced back to the mid-eighteenth century, with the formation of the Honourable Society of the Resurrection Men.

  HONOURABLE SOCIETY OF THE RESURRECTION MEN

  Generally, “Resurrection Men” refers to British body-snatchers of the eighteenth century, people who stole corpses and sold them to medical colleges. While technically illegal, the penalty for body-snatching was only a small fine, which was far outweighed by the potential profit. The trade became so popular, especially in Scotland, that it eventually attracted several necromancers who saw body-snatchers as easy supply men for zombie experiments. By the early 1750s, Edinburgh had become the necromantic capital of the world, and deaths due to zombie attack had reached unprecedented levels. While some body-snatchers grew wealthy supplying the necromancers, others turned against the trade. In 1756, an unknown Edinburgh body-snatcher founded the Honourable Society of the Resurrection Men in order to fight back. Because the society used an illegal practice to disguise their efforts to protect the public, the true identities of these first zombie hunters remain unknown. However, some of their noms de plume have become legendary: Mr Thomas Bones, Jonas Teeth Esq, Madame Noir Bent and of course, Stanley Barrett, the cyclopean artist, whose disturbing one-eyed painting style has landed his works in museums throughout Europe and America.

  For decades the society waged a vigilante war against the necromancers and their body-snatcher helpers. Both sides suffered numerous casualties, but while necromancer numbers slowly dwindled, the society grew, gaining members in high places. Eventually, the society won the war, not on the streets of Edinburgh, but in the Houses of Parliament. In 1832, Parliament passed the Anatomy Act, which changed the law regarding access to cadavers and effectively ended the body-snatching trade. Learning from this lesson, the society continued in its mission to stop necromancy but now used research and legal pressure as its main weapons. The Honourable Society of the Resurrection Men has survived to the present, and is now a pan-European organization dedicated to the elimination of all forms of zombie. However, as is wise for amateur organizations, they leave the actual combat to trained professionals.

  THE ZOMBIE DUELING ASSOCIATION

  Founded in the early years of the twenty-first century, the Zombie Dueling Association is an underground gladiatorial society which pits captured zombies against hired gladiators. Outlawed in every civilized country, the society holds secret events all over the world, including a yearly championship on a large ship in international waters. Zombies are supplied by several less-than-reputable mercenary organizations, while most of the gladiators come from the same place. However, occasionally gladiators are hired from professional sports, with former American Football players being in high demand. To become a member of the ZDA requires deep pockets, friends in the right places, and a complete lack of compunction. The ZDA is organized into a number of different clubs, each of which supply their own gladiators and zombies. It is estimated that there are over 300 members worldwide.

  Previous page: “The LA Bust-out”

  In 2009, the United States experienced its largest and most public viral zombie outbreak in downtown Los Angeles. Over a period of four days, members of the US Army’s 34th Regiment barricaded eighteen city blocks and launched a series of reconnaissance and rescue missions into the infected area. Dubbed the “LA Bust-out” by the media, the mission proved a huge success and for the first time brought the US Army’s specialist zombie hunters into the public eye.

  BUREAU 9

  The story of professional government zombie-hunting teams begins during the American Civil War. As mentioned previously, this war included a huge rise in necromantic activity. Realizing that the Union faced a threat perhaps even greater than the Confederacy, Abraham Lincoln asked the head of his bodyguard, Allan Pinkerton, to establish a new bureau to combat the problem. Pinkerton in turn gave the task to two of his most trusted men, Agents Rufus Thurston and Roland Briscoe. These two men established “Bureau 9,” a hand-picked team of agents who traveled the country undercover, eliminating necromantic threats. The men usually worked in pairs. One agent served mainly as the investigator, identifying and studying potential threats. The second man carried the gun.

  After the war, President Andrew Johnson decided the bureau should continue its work. Records from this time are still classified and will probably remain so ind
efinitely. Still, it is well known that Bureau agents continued their work outside of the United States, traveling all through North, South, and Central America, and played a major part in the US interventions in Haiti. During World War II, the agents participated in many activities of the Shadow Theater. Today, Bureau 9 continues its work as a joint project of the FBI and CIA. Their main targets remain necromancers and bokors, but their activities also cover other zombie threats. Unlike the old days, however, when a serious threat arises they turn over operations to the military.

  THE CONTAINMENT TEAMS

  While the zombie problem remained mostly necromantic in nature, governments deemed it best to have small organizations such as Bureau 9 deal with the threat and only call out the military in extreme circumstances. But with the rise of atomic zombies after World War II, a new solution became necessary. No longer could zombie situations be resolved with one well-placed bullet. Only boots on the ground could lay down enough firepower to stop a full outbreak.

  The Vatican City was the first country to officially establish anti-zombie forces in 1955, and many countries still send observers to see these specialist members of the Swiss Guard in action. However, these teams have limited reach and are only rarely deployed. The real advent of the military zombie hunters came in 1963 with the NATO “Containment Ordinance.” This small reorganization of military forces established specialist “Containment Teams” that could deploy quickly to suppress any zombie outbreak. These teams were multinational forces, with members drawn from all NATO countries. Containment team members received special training in combating zombies (all varieties) and specialist gear (see next chapter). While NATO still maintains a number of containment teams that can be deployed by helicopter or airlift, almost all of the member nations have now established similar organizations within their own militaries.